Mo’ Monies, Mo’ Problems.

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Two things you need to know:

1.) Jude has recently become mildly obsessed with “his monies”, aka a one dollar bill. Actually, both young boys have. They realized a couple weeks ago that $1 can buy a Hot Wheels car and the rest was history. And actually because it’s the $1 that buys the Hot Wheels, they will willing trade any denomination for $1. Jude, being the child that loves Hot Wheels the most, is often found with $1 somewhere on his person: hand, pocket, shoe, etc. He goes to sleep each night, hand clinched around “his monies”.

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2.) Every morning for the past ump-teen years, I mean, 6 months, I wake by Jude crawling into bed with me for morning snuggles. It is the perfect wake-up because it is timed right alongside my radio alarm going off. (It’s also perfect because this kid has been a less than ideal sleeper, read: monster, for years and I am finally able to start referring to things like waking up without sarcasm.)  He climbs in, we listen to some Klove, and then start our day.

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This morning, I woke up alone.

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I went to look for Jude. He wasn’t in his bed. He wasn’t in the playroom. Not in the bathroom. Not the kitchen. He was gone.

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I began the low-key panic of a mom. You know, the panic where you begin to casually think insane thinks like, ‘ok. He’s been abducted. The police will want to know the last moment I saw him, what time was that, I can check my phone, I think I texted Rebecca. What pj’s was he in- I think his shark ones- no, his trucks- no, truck bottoms, shark top. What’s the most recent pic I have of him- did I take one yesterday? How much does he weigh, is that birthmark on his left thigh or right?…..where is he!!!’

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I silently scanned the bedroom window looking for signs of forced entry.

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No pressure. Just basic 6am mom panic.

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I went back through the house and re-checked each room. I returned to his room and sternly said his name realizing my prior search had been done in silence. After a [million] second(s) I herd him peeping sadly from somewhere but I still couldn’t find him. ‘Ok. He’s not abducted- he is stuck somewhere! Somewhere terrible and small and tight and he can’t get out! How long has he been there- All night I’m sure. Its because we didn’t install the guard on the bunk. Is he hurt- Has he been crying out for us?’

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Again,  just basic 6am mom panic.

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“Jude Abram! Where are you!”

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Silence.

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Moments (hours!) later he came crawling out from under the bottom bunk. A tight place to get into any time of day, much less at daybreak.

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“Mama. I can’t find my monies!” He said panicking. I knelt down to him, “I lost all my monies!” He started to weep and fell into my lap, crying big alligator tears as I rubbed his back.

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Relief. Sweet relief. How could I have actually be concerned of his abduction? How silly, …and insane. Mothering makes you insane. The best kind of insane, but insane nonetheless.

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No one warned me about this; Motherhood being a surefire path to insanity is an unspoken secret.  You mention it, in the context of this story, to older moms and they nod in knowing approval.  But there is no forewarning!  There were warnings that I would love my kids so much my heart would feel like it was about to explode. There were warnings that it would be hard, bitter sweet, to watch them grow up all too quickly.  But there were no warnings that my protective mama bear heart would beat this fast before daybreak, before coffee. There was no warnings that I would love these boys so much that my mind would warp in a way that a million “what-ifs” could rush through my head in a matter of seconds.

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It was 6am and I felt like I had lived 100 years already. I was tired,…insane and tired.

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This! This is why moms, even those blessed with good sleepers, are always tired. Because even when life is in a rhythm, your kids are sleeping through and the season seems one of calm, there is a high likelihood that someone will loose their monies in the middle of the night and at daybreak you will wake to put the pieces back together.

 

One comment

  1. Ahhhhh I just absolutely love it. Any time I “lose” Abel for a brief second I immediately go to the absolute worst scenario. And that’s why we need other good insane mother friends to ground us in our worry πŸ™‚ always check the bedroom twice πŸ‘ŒπŸΎπŸ˜³πŸ™ŒπŸΎ

    Like

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